Are you my friend or my boss?

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Are you my friend or my boss?

Everyone wants to be loved. It's a survival instinct. The more people who love you, and the fewer who hate you, the better the chance that you'll live a long life uninterrupted by attacks on your character and person.

But leaders, such as transportation directors and other managers, aren't in their positions to be loved. They're in their positions to get a job done as efficiently and safely as possible. If they happen to be liked, or loved, by their employees, that's a bonus, but it's not the primary objective, is it?

So, why do I bring this up? I've been thinking about how managers in pupil transportation can improve their leadership skills. The best leaders have a strong ability to inspire and motivate. Some accomplish these objectives by winning over followers with their charisma. An example of this type of leader in the business world is Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric. But another former business superstar, ex-Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, also had a charismatic style. She had a less-than-successful reign at H-P, however, because her ego clouded her judgment.

Good leaders are confident and make sound decisions. They also have the respect of their employees and understand how to motivate them properly. In addition, they learn from their mistakes and adjust their behavior accordingly. If they have a charismatic personality, that can work in their favor, assuming they don't let their egos get in the way.

There are many ways to get a job done. From what I've seen in pupil transportation, the best leaders are well grounded. They understand the day-to-day pressures that are felt by their staff in the office, in the garage and on the road. Empathy is a critical attribute when you're supervising people who work under this type of pressure. You've got to make their problems your problems, or risk losing their confidence and support.

Finding that right balance between being someone's boss and being his or her friend is essential, but extremely difficult. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this subject, from the perspective of being a supervisor or the supervised.

Until next time.

Steve

Print | posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 5:50 PM

Comments

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Michele at 7/23/2007 6:36 PM

Whether or not a transportation supervisor has been a driver they need to understand the pressures the drivers face every day. They need to know some are nervous during bad weather. Some are hesitant to do a different route they do not know because it is outside their comfort zone. Some just want to be able to "vent" after a bad experience and have someone listen to them.

Once a supervisor lies to their employees and gets caught at it they have totally lost all credibility with them. When they talk about what they are going to do and have no intention of doing whatever it is and when they talk about what they have done that they haven't done they might as well quit having employee meetings because nobody is listening anyway. They are just watching the clock telling themselves they are getting paid for the hour so they have to stay put.

We would rather have a boss we can respect than one who wants to be our friend.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Dave at 7/24/2007 8:56 AM

The successful transportation managers that I have seen certainly have the respect of the employees in their operation. There is one important concept and practice they share that I think goes far in building respect. They understand how much they need the drivers and other employees. They listen to them and incorporate the valuable input they offer into making the operation as efficient as it can be. By contrast the poorest managers I have seen are always right by definition and remind employees that they are not paid to think.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Sam Armentrout at 7/24/2007 9:01 AM

Leadership is more about what others don’t see than what they do see.True leadership has nothing to do with one’s level in the organization.A key question you must continuously ask yourself is “Am I a serving leader or a self -serving leader?”
By themselves, good behaviors will not make you a great leader. A nicer person to work with, yes---a great leader, no.Creating a compelling vision is one of the privileges and most serious demands of leaders.Values are the beliefs that drive our behavior.
Values are a big deal.
They are the cornerstones of the culture the leader is trying to create.
Without a team all you have are a group of people working independently.
There will not be any opportunities for synergy, shared learning, encouragement, team accountability, or any of the other benefits of working together.
Everything you will accomplish as a leader ultimately hinges on the people you have around you. Without this piece, your success as a leader will be greatly limited.
Motivate.
Engage your people.
When leaders realize in the long run that they work for their people, things get done.The very best leaders are learners.
If you stop learning you stop leading.
Heads Up-Heads Down approach. Embody the values. If we lose our credibility as leaders, our leadership potential will be greatly limited. We must not only say it but we must show it.
Don’t be a leader who stumbles the mumble and doesn’t walk the talk.
From the book (The Secret), What great leaders know and do.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Frank at 7/24/2007 9:47 AM

A good manager also is fair with everyone, treating all the employees the same.

Once a manager lies to an employee that employee will no longer respect them, even subconsciously.

As the manager lies to more and more employees they suddenly find themselves with no one's respect.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Chris at 7/24/2007 10:09 AM

I found your question very interesting and thought provoking, some of the qualities a good leader would have.
I have also read the other comments, very good responses.
I would like to add that "vision" and being able to share and sell it, are key componets as well. You can be a friend through all this, however there is line drawn in the sand and as long as it is clear, it helps to keep the relationship focused and professional.
Working with some other thoughts; getting to know the people, who can make you look good, and their personalities, helps in building support and the total team effort, I feel becomes easier.
Thinking out of the box is a scary concept for most employees. They start wondering what will you think of next. This is where the friend aspect of the boss(leader) could be helpful in gaining support or feedback.
A lot of working relationships could be similar to a marriage. We spend quite a bit of time at work and the interaction/reaction is important. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good, but you choose to be here, so make the best of it. Stay true to your goal or vision.
Ultimately getting to know who is working with or for you is important and than you need to remember the line in the sand!

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by LM at 7/24/2007 11:05 AM

Great article and comments.
Curious though, how do you help people to resist the temptation to take advantage of an empathetic leader?

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by John R. Horton at 7/24/2007 11:35 AM

Leaders who are physically working 100% of the time are not working, they are being led by their schedule, interruptions and important vs. urgent demands.

Leaders are driving the bus and must lead the same way we train drivers: drive ahead of yourself between the now (in front of you) and the horizon (the quickly arriving future). Not looking ahead, planning ahead is be led into ditches, detours and unplanned-offroad experiences, unnecessarily. Do you have daily goals? Do you have 6 month goals? Is one of your 12 month goals to organize the "In Service" for next year (including securing the location etc.) before it arrives?

Leaders must earn the respect of their employees by implementing policy/procedure in a firm, balanced manner with the necessary flexibility and understanding that is understood by all. Treat all employees with the same recognition and respect.

More L8tr, ...john

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Bob at 7/24/2007 11:47 AM

The existence of the leader who is wise is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unncecessary speech, so that the people say.
"We did it ourselves."
---Tao Te Ching

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Geoff Bridgman at 7/24/2007 1:49 PM

Last year a new dispatcer came to the transportation department from our other campus. He does things by the book and doesn't have the easy going personalty of the person he replaced. I think he ruffled some feathers at times. A friend of mine told me if your a manager and everyone likes you, you're not doing your job. I've never been a manager. I don't think I have the personality for it. I would imagine anyone who is a manager has to make difficult decisions at times which can make them unpopular or not well liked. It takes a certain type of person to want to do that and I'm sure egos come into play. Egos are something I've never understood or had much tolerance for. Overall, our new manager is doing a good job and gets along well with everyone. I don't always agree with his managemet style, but I can work with him. For the most part he's been good to me, so I can't complain too much. What truly annoys me is when a manager is obviously incompetent but somehow stays in the job, making everyone's life miserable. I've never been able to figure that out, but I've seen it many times in my long working career. I'm happy to say we don't have any managers like that at our transporttion department.

Geoff Bridgman, Driver
Pocono Mountain School District West
Mt. Pocono, PA

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Rick Iannelli at 7/24/2007 5:50 PM

Being a Transportation Director for a public school system, I find mutual respect for both my drivers and the administration necessary.
I started as a driver and continue to fill in when necessary as a spare so my drivers know they can relate to me. We socialize together and ban together when someone needs help and yes we are all friends. However, when business dictates they respect me as their boss and rarely question my decisions. As a result of this bond, our department is recognized in the school system as the hardest working with the least complaints and boasts the lowest absence rate with zero sick days in three years.
The parents and students also benefit with drivers who enjoy their jobs and make it fun.
Many times our special ed students will come home and forget about their school day only to tell their parents about the fun ride home on one of our buses. So yes it is possible for someone to be a boss and a friend in the often hectic world of school transportation.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Kathy at 7/24/2007 6:25 PM

One does not have to be a "friend", but one does need to be "friendly". Having kindness towards one another, understanding, empathy - and most importantly - listening skills, are very important attributes when it comes to describing a friend, a spouse or a good manager or supervisor.

At the moment I am one of the "supervised" who someday hopes to have the privledge of being the "supervisor". For the past few years I have lived under the shadow of a supervisor who has taught me many things. Most importantly, I have been taught how "not" to supervise from the personal point of view, as all of the above attributes which I've described appear to be void in this relationship.

One of you mentioned a good working relationship can be compared to a good marriage. I totally agree with you on that. But I think it can also be compared with being a good parent. Carefully blending the proper amount of private criticism along with public praise allows your "children" to have confidence in themselves and to feel comfortable in themselves. A staff which is comfortable to respectfully speak their mind to present ideas or voice concerns, and who are given room to grow and learn from their mistakes, are important lessons which we, as Supervisors, are responsible for passing down to our staff.

Like our own children, our staff also learns by example. Not happy with your staff or their attitude? Take a good look at them, then look at yourself. Are they treating each other (or even you) the same way which you are treating them?

You don't have to be their friend to be their boss - but it certainly plays to the benefit of everyone involved if you, as a boss, were friendly. Remember, your "children" learn from your example. As bus drivers, we are encouraged to respect our students on the bus. I must ask, why would you, as a supervisor, not be held to these same standards when it relates to your staff?

Yes, go ahead and be a friendly boss. Being friends might get you labeled as playing favorites and that would be a whole new subject matter for us to discuss.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Mike at 7/24/2007 6:29 PM

Going back 25 years or so, I had a boss who would, upon entering the building, look around until he could find something to criticize and order to be corrected, then he would enter his office. Of course, we soon learned to leave something (semi-obvious and easily corrected)for him to find. He was an old-school tyrant boss, who treated the workplace like his personal kingdom and the employees like his vassals. But, and this is a very big but, he was also fair and even-handed in his dealings with those under him. He believed in encouraging those who sought advancement, and promoting from within. Nowadays, I see all too many who think their low-to-middle management positions give them the gift of infallibility. They think nothing of telling a driver "you're JUST a driver", forgetting that they were once "just a driver" themselves. Share a field trip map with another driver? You had better not, you're undercutting his/her authority. Show an interest in advancement? Wrong again! Now you are perceived as a personal threat to their position. Hello to all you department heads/bosses/supervisors/foremen/duty managers who may think this was written about you... it probably is! If you treat your staff like wage slaves, that's all you'll end up with; the conscientious staff you needlessly stepped on will soon find the door. And remember this: good manners cost nothing. An occasional "thanks for a job well done", or even "good morning" or "good night" isn't out of place at work. Yes, you can (and should)crack down on those who disobey the company's regulations... that is also a part of the job. But please try to remember that your employees are humans, not just robots with a bus attached.

# re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by greg kelley at 7/25/2007 4:40 AM

"People will always move toward someone who increases them and away from anyone who decreases them."..John Maxwell.

Find value in those you lead and it may make you a friend, and it will definitely make you an effective leader.

We have to continually be growing as leaders, otherwise we limit the potential of the people we lead. We teach what we know and reproduce what we are.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Joyce at 7/25/2007 5:25 AM

I loved reading everyone elses comments. I was moved into a supervisors position,"through no fault of my own" when "my" supervisor left with out any warning, The day before school was starting. The first few weeks,I was a bus driver and boss at the same time. So I certainly understand what the drivers go through. I would love to read more ideas on "how" to be a better boss. I find it very difficult to tell drivers to do something that I know they don't want to do. I don't expect the drivers to love me, but I really don't want them to hate me either.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Todd at 7/25/2007 7:11 AM

This is a good topic and there are a lot of classes out there that deal with many of the aspects of being a good boss and or leader. I am a public school bus garage supervisor who started off 27 years ago as a mechanic. I've had a few different supervisors over the years and have tried to gleen those qualities which I thought were good. However no matter how hard one tries, I think your still going to have that fine line to deal with. On one side being to easy going and friendly, some people will constantly push the envelope. And on the other side being very stiff necked and critical and negative. My biggest dillema is I have a different work ethic than some. I've been told thats why I'm where I'm at today. Now trying to make that a contagious thing is difficult especially in a union shop with a couple bad work ethic Eyore's (nagative whiners, for those of you who don't remember the character in whinny the poo)Who think your constantly out to get someone just because your a supervisor, go figure.I think at this point in my position as supervisor I'm trying to walk the talk be a good listener and yet stay firm to the rules and be fair. Also to take advantage of the things that your co-workers do that are good and encourage them, sometimes this may help even the most difficult employee change for the better. However as someone has already said, it's almost like being a parent, most of us know not all kids can be delt with effectivly the same way. I really don't think there's a perfect leader but I'm always open to technics that have a proven track record.
I'll stop here and continue reading , one can never learn enough!

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by George Horne at 7/25/2007 2:12 PM

You can be a friend and a boss, but sometimes the twain are confused, as when a boss tells an employee something that he/she disagrees with. Knowing when to commend and when to condemn--and then doing either--is an important element in being a transportation leader. Loyalty cannot be one-way, directed only toward the driver or toward the employer. I see management of the transportation operation much like management of passengers on the school bus: parameters (including laws, regulations, policies and procedures) must exist, some of which may be flexible and some, inflexible. (It is essential for the manager to know the difference!)Then, there must be rewards and consequences for the personnel involved.
My advice to any boss is to be loyal to yourself, loyal to your employer and loyal to your employees, knowing that "loyalty" does not always constitute "agreement." (Remember "Tthe Golden Rule?")

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Lyle Groen at 7/27/2007 8:00 AM

I remember starting in transportation many years ago. I came in as the Transportation Supervisor. Supervisor of mainly one myself. As time went on I was placed in charge of the custodians, then the yards, and finally the whole school. Thorough his time I worked with other supervisors who were anywhere from too tolerant to being dictators. I have always believed in doing my best to treat all of my employees as I would like to be treated. (Does Golden Rule come to mind) One of the main problems I see that comes into play is many times people are not promoted or hired for their credentials but because they have been there the longest or are willing to work for less money. The biggest difference being are they willing to now learn their job or sit back and rest on their title The Boss. I always try to be their when my drivers report for work and when they end their shift for the day. A good morning and have a great evening spoken with sincerity goes a long way. As I read in someones blog not everyone is boss material, but everyone can be a leader in their own way. This is the challenge of being in charge to encourage your people to their best potential. I see my job as working with and training everyone to the best of my ability to work as a team and remember the chain is only as strong as it's weakest link. Are you going to employees who don't get along with you or other employees. Most definitely but we can still agree to disagree without sinking the ship. Have a great day and work on the positive side.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Marsha Stones at 8/3/2007 1:31 PM

I enjoyed this article. I think it described my boss perfectly. He is respected , trusted and liked by all who work with him and for him. We may not like all the decessions he makes all the time but we trust and respect his decessions and him.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by April at 9/4/2007 6:22 PM

I just read this blog now, and really enjoyed it. As a driver who was 'promoted' to Safety/Training supervisor, I often must 'manage' some drivers who were my coworkers for many years before my move into management. They often accuse me of forgetting where I have come from - but many times I have been upended when trying too hard to be fair and not make unpopular decisions. My bottom line is that I need to do what is best for the safety of our passengers and the efficiency of our routes, and if it means some of my 'friends' no longer consider me a friend, then so be it.

re: Are you my friend or my boss?

left by Glyn Robinson at 10/8/2007 6:19 PM

I enjoyed reading this blog. I serve as Transportation Director for my district. I have 58 bus routes. I try my best to treat all my drivers with respect. I know that I fail at times because I am human. My drivers, as a whole, do the very best job transporting our students safetly to and from school.

I started out as a route driver and drove athletic/field trips. I know first hand how hard the job can be.

Tough decisions have to be made and some of the drivers do not like those decisions, but I try to keep the safety of the students in mind first as well as the ecnomical operation of the fleet. Thanks to all bus drivers out there for a job well done!

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